Writing Books is Only Half of the Equation

I thought writing my book, “Who Am I If You’re Not You?” would be hard. I knew it would take focus, energy, determination, and hours, and I was write right, it did.

I had no way of knowing the book content was the easy part. The marketing was a whole different story. Let me tell you the *entire* story (ha!) about what’s involved in a successful book.

The Origins of My Book

I first met Jennifer, the protagonist of the story, at an audition for a community theatre production of A Chorus Line. We were both cast and we had this immediate connection. I felt like I’d known her all of my life, if not in some other lifetime. We quickly became friends.

Late one night, after rehearsal, we were walking together to our cars and Jen was telling me a bit about her past struggles with self-harm. She casually mentioned something about her spouse, saying, “Well, my husband is transgender and that brought up a lot of difficult things for me to deal with.” Whoa. Hold the phone.

“My husband is transgender.” What does that even mean?

(Side note: This all took place in 2012. I definitely didn’t live in a bubble but I didn’t know what “transgender” meant. Gender transition was not as widely known about then and I’m delighted to say it’s talked about so much more often now.)

I asked what it meant to be transgender, and she explained. She also mentioned the toll that Marc’s transition had taken on her personally, but that she was now in a healthy place both mentally and physically. And that one of the hardest parts of the whole thing was how utterly alone she felt after he’d shared the decision to transition — she convinced herself no one could relate to the scenario of having your wife tell you they were going to become your husband. Hearing her story, I couldn’t believe all she’d been through in the name of love. And I asked again to be sure, somewhat incredulously.

“So your marriage survived all of this?”

Not only had it survived;it was thriving, she said, saying she loves him more now than she did when they first wed. It turns out the experiences they shared had deepened their bond and she and her husband felt closer than ever.

“It’s Just My Life”

I got to know Jen, and her husband, Marc, better over the next several months and they shared more of their story with me. At one point, I finally brought up the idea of writing a book and telling their story. The hard part wasn’t convincing them to publicly share their story; it was that Jen didn’t see what the big deal was. “This isn’t anything extraordinary. It’s just my life,” she said.

As we talked more, though, we talked about how sharing what she’d been through would help others who were in the same position. Both Marc and Jen were happy to share their journey with an audience, knowing it might make a difference for someone else who felt that no on in the world would understand the effects of a transition on a partner.

They agreed to move forward and we dove in. Hours upon hours of interviews with both of them, hours upon hours of writing and rewriting. Researching, pitching to publishers. The list goes on. In the end, I released the book on November 20, 2017 — tying into Trans Dayof Remembrance.

Finish the Book. Start the Real Work.

Here’s the part you came to read. It’s simple and so true: Writing the book was easy compared to marketing it. I had no idea what I was in for!

There are soooo many things to do when marketing a book. To start with, you have to introduce it to the world, so you begin by planning the launch, finding a location for a launch, announcing the launch, launching the launch. This is party planning in overdrive and it’s unlike any party I’d ever been to so I figured it out as I went.

Then you need to find bookstores willing to carry the book. This wasn’t easy, at least for this particular story. I lived in a small-ish area and because I did my launch at one bookstore, the other bookstore didn’t want to let me do a reading. They did kindly let me include a few copies on their shelves to sell, so there’s that. I marketed it to other bookstores with a modicum of success, although if there was no event to call attention to it, my novel seemed to stay on the shelves more often than not.

And let’s not forget events! I signed up for every festival I could find. I paid to print a giant banner with my name on it, and invested in an oversized sign mounted on foam core to attract even more attention. I lugged boxes of books through heat and cold, setting them out, selling a few, and packing them up again to haul to the next event, thinking about how I could do it better next time.

Now, on to book signings. I did a book signing at Barnes & Noble (one of my proudest moments). I even flew across the country to do a book signing on the opposite coast (packing up the books for that trip was expensive, let me tell you!) I was an unknown author and I had used a hybrid publisher, so I didn’t have the backing of a Random House or Penguin. It was just little ol’ me footing the bill.

I sat with local book clubs who’d read the piece and had questions to ask. I was even invited to a church to talk about my LGBTQ-themed book – that was wild! I campaigned so hard for this project I felt like I was running for office.

Writing about My Writing

Now it’s on to socials. I created social accounts specific to the book on all platforms. I populated said socials. EVERY. DAY. I created and sourced new images to include the socials. You get the picture. It all felt very self-aggrandizing and yet, it was necessary. I did daily for this for a year+.

And I blogged. I was actively blogging about any LGBT topic I could find (and there were many). Keep in mind, I was not a subject matter expert, either in Marc and Jen’s marriage or of people who ‘live under the rainbow,’ as I liked to call it. So I didn’t try to sell myself as a an expert because I was cisgender and heterosexual. I learned a TON  while writing and researching the book, and I wrote the blog from that perspective: “I am learning about this and I thought you might like to learn too.”

More writing: Responding to comments on my blogs and social posts. Moving past the trolls and those who didn’t care for the subject matter and weren’t afraid to say so. I spent as much time writing or thinking about writing after I’d published the book than I did while I was writing it!

Oh, and one more thing: during all of this, I was still working full-time and running a household.

It Can be Done

I am happy to say that all of the above efforts worked. The average book sells 250 copies. I’ve sold around 2,000 and still have sales coming in. The work was worth the reward because we – Jen, Marc, and I – broadly shared the message that love really can conquer all. The sales and marketing were hard work, no doubt. But I’m proud of the sales figures. (And just so you know, I didn’t get rich. Because I chose hybrid publishing, I put up my own money to make this book a reality. Despite the impressive number of books sold, I’ve just recently broken even.)

I’m by no means trying to discourage you from writing the next great American novel. It was a rewarding experience and I am likely to put myself through it again. But if you’re considering writing something, know that there’s more involved than putting the story on the page.

Have any questions about my process or experiences? I’m happy to share. Reach out at [email protected]. My inbox is always open.